what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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