she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
