Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
