quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
