Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
