I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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