A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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