You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
