kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
