I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
