it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
