Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
