i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
