What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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