I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
