went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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