Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
