I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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