Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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