Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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