I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
