Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It's Friday. Sex?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
