Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
