I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
