I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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