I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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