I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
