I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
