We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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