P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
