There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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