My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
