So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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