i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
