he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
