apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
