I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
