whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
