Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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