I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
