Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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