my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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