I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
