I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
