Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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