anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
