i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
