Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
