Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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