So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
