Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
