Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
