I faked an abortion last night.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
