Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
