I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
